Spring Fever

Well, it is officially spring here. Today, the temperature is 25 degrees celcius, and although I haven’t left my house yet – I can feel the dampness in the atmosphere, and can smell the girls walking outside all the way from my room. I’m sure the skirts are short, the tank tops are thin, and the flip flops are warm and damp. I thought I would write this before I head out.

I was wondering about what would be a better approach to meeting a cool girl this spring. Should I keep doing the Internet dating thing, or should I try some pickup artistry? Should I approach random girls and just improvise, or should I join some pottery or dance class and meet girls that way? And, how can I completely understand that shyness and nervousness are both just in my head and that they are unnecessary?

I am not sure if girls can understand how guys like me feel. I understand that a lot of the road blocks and walls are put there by me, but when you combine them with spring fever, it really can drive me off the wall. But, maybe, just maybe, this spring will be different. I now know how to kiss women passionately, and I know that I am actually capable of a lot more than I thought I was. If I let loose and go with the flow this spring, I may just end up exactly where I want to be.

Paired Up and Not

I was walking down the street today. I stopped outside a corner store and sat on the sidewalk. I saw this small kid on his small bike, wearing a helmet, and he was standing there looking towards the street. I initially didn’t bother to look at what he was looking at, but then I noticed that he was looking at two girls chaining their bicycles to a tree, talking to each other and hanging out. He kept on looking at them for a while – very observantly, then he got on his bike and fled. They finished chaining their bikes then walked inside the corner store.

I felt sad for the kid. He must’ve been about 7 or 8, they looked closer to 10. I felt that he was disconnected from them and that perhaps he wanted to join them – or maybe he was just curious. He was brown, they were white. They were all cute.

A short while after that, I started walking home. When I got into my neighbourhood, I saw two girls around my age standing in their driveway, talking and hanging out. I felt so disconnected from them, and had a new feeling of nervousness and sadness that came from my reaction. I kept on walking, glanced at them, and they glanced at me, and that was it.

I don’t know exactly why I felt sad, but perhaps I saw myself through that kid on his bike. And I remembered that I don’t know why I am the way I am, and why for some reason, I don’t find it easy to talk to strangers.

I don’t know the point of this post, but I felt I should write about this.

Girls, Spring, and Me

I do enjoy eye candy in the spring and the summer. Everything from shoulders, breasts and cleavage, that small area on the side of breasts, bellies, bums, legs, feet – everything really. It is all very pleasing to the eyes. Sometimes, it drives me a little crazy.

One fantasy I have is to have a girlfriend during one of those springs. To enjoy the outdoors with her, and to enjoy all that eye candy on a more intimate level. I want to see the sun rise with her, I want to lie on the grass with her, I want to hold hands while doing all of that. I want to go to a nice beach with her. I want to drive aimlessly with her, with my windows down, my music up, and her bare feet on the dashboard. I want to park the car somewhere nice and make out with her.

I want to come home with her in the evening, after that long, beautiful day. Take off my clothes and help her take off hers, then have a double shower with her. Turn down the lights, light up the candles, put on some smooth music, open a window to allow the fresh, damp and cool air to fill the room, then lie in bed with her and give her a full body massage then cuddle and have sex. I want us to fall asleep in each other’s arms and wake up the next morning ready to take on the day.

Yes. That would be nice.

I’ll be waiting for her.

How to Kiss a Girl for the First Time

If you are shy, it can be very easy to give a girl a first kiss if you follow these important guidelines:

1. If you are on a date, make sure that you and your date are sitting in relative close proximity (i.e. not 10 meters apart). Ideally you would be sitting next to each other rather than opposite each other.
2. The girl must like you in order for the kiss to be a success – you can tell if she likes you by the way she is talking to you, and how much she is smiling.
3. Try to pick up signs that she wants you to kiss her – things like her chewing gum, putting on lip balm, wetting her lips, looking at your lips, looking you in the eyes, etc…
4. Make sure to touch her every once in a while and see her reactions. If she likes you, she will react positively to touching. Touch her on the shoulder, back, arms, etc…
5. Wait for a moment of silence, whether it is awkward silence or just silence.
6. Tell her that you want to tell her something, and that it could be awkward. (optional)
7. Ask her to close her eyes (this is good to gauge her reaction and her acceptance of whatever happens – optional, but good)
8. Blank your mind.
9. Approach her lips and go in for the kiss – give her a soft, moist peck on her lips and then back away, see her reaction.
10. Take it from there.

Alternative method: Depending on the amount of certainty that you have, and the amount of confidence, you may be able to skip steps 6-7.

Depending on how the kiss goes, it can be very easy to take things further – just make sure to not be too pushy and to take things one step at a time. Good luck!

Things not to do:

• If you can tell that she likes you, and if you like her, don’t waste the date without a kiss – this could be interpreted as a sign of disinterest. As a last resort, if you don’t have enough confidence, ask her if you can kiss her – there’s nothing wrong with asking.
• Do not kiss aggressively – this could turn her off (this also goes for the girls).
• Don’t use a lot of tongue right away.

My First Intimate Experience

A few weeks ago, I met this very nice girl. She was possibly the first girl who liked me enough to bear with me and wait for me to break out of my shell.

She gave me my first kiss. She was a very good kisser, her lips were very smooth, moist, and gentle. I was very nervous before we kissed, but once our lips touched, it all made sense. That same night we went to her place, and we spent the rest of the night cuddling and making out.

It all felt like a stretching exercise. I would be nervous just before we’re about to do something new, and I’d be thinking about it a lot, but once we do it, I would relax and be ready for the next thing. Eventually we became very comfortable with each other. That night was very relaxing and though we both kept our clothes on, we did feel each other. It was the first time I fondle with breasts and nipples – and feeling her nipples get hard was very arousing. I realised how good and natural it feels to make out with someone – to have our bodies touching intimately, and to kiss passionately while doing that. It all took me away to a different place and time where nothing really mattered except now. I was in euphoria when I got back home.

The next night, we did some more cuddling and making out, and I became more comfortable. This was the night that I got my first hand job and blow job, the first time I was naked with someone else, the first time I took another girl’s clothes off, and the first time I orgasmed in front of someone else. It was also the first time I felt pussy with my fingers. It was all very nice, and the feeling of a hot, horny girl touching my cock with her delicate hands and mouth was one to remember. I was possibly too nervous to remember how the orgasm was, but it certainly made a mess all over the bed – which was funny. I got very turned on when she was stroking my cock with her hand, smiling at me, and sitting on my leg – I could feel her wetness and heat, and that was also very arousing. Too bad I didn’t end up returning the favour. That night ended about half an hour after we were done.

We met again a few nights later. We both gave each other a nice sensual massage, and we both got very turned on. I was ready to have sex. We kissed and made out for a while and we both got very turned on during that. I asked her if we can have sex, and that if she had a condom – and she did. She got a condom out of the package, started sucking my dick, and shortly afterwards, she put on the condom. We were discussing which position would be best for a first time, and she suggested missionary. As I was getting into position, I lost my boner. I don’t know exactly why, but it happened. Then I kinda forgot about having sex, and instead we just kept on cuddling. She thought it was because I was nervous, and she wasn’t surprised at all. But in hind sight, I should have tried to have sex again that night. Overall, that night was a good night. We both slept in each other’s arms for a while, and we had a lot of pillow talk, but then I had to go home.

We met one more time before she broke up with me. The breakup very abrupt and I didn’t understand why it happened, but it turned out that she already started seeing someone else. I was a little heartbroken for a few days, but afterwards I felt okay. The main things that I wondered about were what I could’ve done differently – and at the very least, that I should’ve had sex with her, or at least gave her an orgasm.

I went out with two more girls since then, and I kissed both of them. They both were not nearly as good kissers as her, and I wasn’t that attracted to them. I realised that I’m not desperate to have sex with anyone. Sure, I am really horny all the time, but I need to be attracted to someone and at the very least, ensure that they will be kind and caring. I realise now that if my first time was a bad experience, then that will affect my perspective on sex in the future.

I’m still not particularly fond of the fact that I’m technically a virgin, but at least now I am not as shy and can more easily kiss girls and take things to the next level. On the positive side, I still have a new experience to look forward to. In fact, many new experiences, so in that sense, I’m happy.

I may write another blog post in the future detailing how I drastically reduced my shyness.

Different Perspective And Advice for Inexperienced Men

I searched you tube for “virgin”, and it came up with the video at the end of this post. The advice that they give there isn’t great, but there were a couple of good points in there. The reason I am writing this entry has to do with the comments that were made for that video, as well as the selection of “related videos”.

It seems there are more 20-some year old virgins than I though existed. Better yet, most of them there seem to never have kissed a girl either. I noticed their attitude is very negative, not unlike my attitude, though I haven’t felt this before I read other people’s comments. It seems as if desperation is overflowing from most of these comments, or if not that, it’s frustration and hopelessness.

For a moment, and perhaps more, I’ve realised that it’s very unlikely for a guy to get laid or even kiss a girl when he’s desperate or hopeless like that. I think Dan in that video was right when he said that inexperience is inconsequential, but it only is so if one forgets about the idea that it is the be all and end all of getting laid.

I have been approached by girls before, and still do, even in my depressed state. Unlike some of the people who commented on that video, I have been on dates, numerous ones in fact, although most of them finished without any intimacy. So where does this take us, the inexperienced men?

Although I plan on getting some “training” from a girl (one who is older than me, and this training won’t necessarily involve sex) I still think that getting a girlfriend is easy once the mind is clear of all the negative thinking.

Some Common (Mis)Conceptions

• Because I’m inexperienced, girls won’t want to date me: Girls don’t really like you or dislike you based on your sexual experience, they like you or dislike you because of your personality and/or your looks. The discussion about your experience doesn’t need to happen until perhaps after sex, or just before sex.
• I’ll never find a girlfriend: Not if you keep thinking this way. People in general (but more so girls) are not attracted to someone who doesn’t think they’re worthy. We are all humans, that’s the most fundamental aspect of us, and as such, we all are entitled to being with someone, or more than one. If you keep this attitude, you won’t even notice a girl even if she likes you and shows you signs of interest.
• All the girls I see are not my type: That is probably an excuse that you give yourself to the fact that you aren’t talking to many girls, or going out with them.
• People will think it’s weird, that I’ve never kissed a girl or never had sex at my age: Well, you certainly are in the minority, but you don’t need to advertise your virginity – remember, you’re only a virgin until your first time. Besides, most girls that I’ve talked to about my virginity might be surprised initially (or not), but they often don’t pay nearly as much attention to that fact as I do.
• I’m always going to be a virgin: If you think that, then this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You won’t have sex by thinking you’ll always be a virgin.
• I can never approach women: Are you sure? What about a cashier at a store? Or a sales clerk? Most people have sex on their minds. People who aren’t virgins probably want sex more than you do. Anyone can learn to approach women, and don’t forget that some women don’t get approached as much as others, so you will have a greater chance of success approaching them.

I don’t think I was ready in the past to be in a relationship, I was too shy and didn’t think of myself as a romantic guy. Now, I’m not as shy and much more romantic, but I’m still insecure and have the depression cloud hanging over me. So what to do if you are in a similar situation? I am not a blind man leading blind men, I gathered this advice from other people who gave it to me.

Some Advice For Inexperienced Men

• Put yourself “out there”: This truly does work, apparently. All you need to do is get to know more girls, one in a dozen or so is bound to have the hots for you. Then all you need to do is reciprocate conversation with her and go on to more intimacy.
• Flirt a little: Simple things like winking, smiling, talking slightly sexy, complimenting them or what they’re wearing, etc. can go a long way. Start slow and work your way from there.
• Ask them out: For coffee, tea, a drink, or just to walk somewhere with you. See where things go from there.
• Don’t be afraid to touch: Girls usually won’t make the first move, and often it is up to you to show them that you are physically interested in them. Do this by touching them slightly. Perhaps start with stroking their hair or removing an eye lash that fell on their cheek. Brush up against them or lightly touch their hand. Put your arm around their shoulders, work your way towards the waist and perhaps the hips. Give them a neck or back massage. Let it take a natural course. When hugging them, don’t be afraid to feel their butt if you think they’re into you.
• Make the first move: As scary as this may sound, it is usually up to you to make the first intimate move be it asking them out on a date, or kissing them on the mouth. You may have to muster up some courage yourself to do these things the first time.
• From what I’ve been told, after the first kiss, it’s all gravy.
• Important Note: All of the above is much easier to do once you get to know the girl a little. Spend time with her, make her and yourself comfortable with each other’s company.

Here is the link to the original video and comments that I was talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xviBq3dg_8

Good luck and please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Excerpt From My Real Life Diary: My Next Girlfriend

Friday 26 of December, 2008. 01h56

Hi Diary,

I haven’t written in you for a while. I’ve been mostly preoccupied with myself. I’ve been longing for a girlfriend, and I realised that this has been the case for a long time, since high school.

I’m not sure I understand why I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I think my anxiety phase (and my depression phase) contributed to that. There’s also shyness and ignoring signals.

I want to go back to a very important idea, and that is about whoever I will be with. My next girlfriend will like me. That is part of the definition or nature of a significant other. She will like me for who I am, and as a package.

There is a good chance that she will also like the things that are concerning me now, such as my lack of past intimate experience. She will also like my penis, it is for her, she will most likely make me feel better about it too.

Our relationship will need to develop naturally as to allow for a strong bond to form, but the important factor to remember is that she is out there somewhere, somewhere where I will find her and she will find me. Just remember this, it’s all you need to think about.

The next most important thing to remember is that I need to notice her and acknowledge her, then ask her out and take it from there, or if I have gotten to know her, tell her that I like her either after I ask her out or before.

That’s it, as simple as that. Just let nature take its course afterwards.

The Slow Quiet Lull of Christmas Time

As a lonely person, Christmas time is a very uneventful time for me. I spent yesterday at home, on my computer mostly. Checking out craigslist, waiting for interesting people to post things or reply to my ads. Christmas reminds me of how I don’t have many friends, and most of all of how I am single and have no one to cuddle with near a fireplace. Not to mention that all the stores are closed, the streets are empty, and most of the people I know are either out of town or are busy with their families, friends, or significant others.

I would like to think that the new year is going to hold a lot of surprises for me, or at the very least a few interesting experiences. It seems realistic to expect that my first time will happen in 2009, one way or another. It is also, however, a time where I will suddenly be immersed in things to do, like work and school, and as such perhaps I am more likely to meet a future significant other, or perhaps less likely, depending on how I handle things.

Valentine’s day is the next marked day when I usually find myself lonely and reminded of being single. Perhaps this coming February 14 will be different, and perhaps I will give a rose or a teddy bear to someone important in my life.

I was hoping that my first kiss will be before new year’s. I still have a few days and a couple of parties to attend, so perhaps something will happen then/there, but perhaps not. I guess the important thing to remember is that somewhere in my town, all the time, there are girls out there who will like me for who I am right now, as a package, and all that it really takes is for both of us to notice each other and acknowledge each other’s feelings.

“Happy Holidays” and Other Annoying Things

Though I am not religious, and don’t particularly care that much about celebrating Christmas anymore, I still find it annoying and awkward when someone refuses to say merry Christmas and insist on using “happy holidays” instead. What I find slightly more offensive is when people take offense to being wished a merry Christmas. People, Christmas has long become a pretty much secular holiday. It’s about the gifts, about the cards, about trees and decorating and about love and caring for other people, if you subscribe to that school of thought. If you are Jewish or Muslim, or even another religion or atheist, and you take offense to someone telling you “Merry Christmas”, then I suggest you reconsider your value system.

Sure I find it cheesy to say merry Christmas sometimes, even awkward at times, but really I have no religous foundation to my good wishes – it’s just the equivalent of saying have a good week, but in a more traditional sense.

And all of this is coming from a guy who finds the holiday season slightly depressing, and who’s going to spend Christmas alone.

I wish everyone a good wintertime!

At Least I Have My Looks

Though I have some mental obstacles to overcome, some of which seem to prevent me from getting a girlfriend, at least people tell me I’m cute so that makes me feel better I also normally have a good personality, so once I overcome some of these obstacles, I should be alright.

I’m going to start another blog which is much more positive and optimistic, and that would hopefully get the ball rolling again.